TANGGUNG JAWAB

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

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4 thn yg lalu, isteri saya telah meninggal dunia due to kemalangan. saya selalu berfikir macam mana keadaan isteri saya di syurga, adakah dia dalam keadaan sihat. isteri saya mesti berasa sedih kerana tinggalkan suami yang tidak pandai menjaga anak n umah dengan baik kerana saya berfikiran begitu. saya gagal menjadi seorg ayah dan emak

Pada suatu hari, saya terpaksa meninggalkan anak saya yg tengah tido kerana emergency work. memikirkan nasi yang masih ada, saya mengoreng telur. saya memberitahu anak saya yang tengah tidur dan keluar dari umah.

Dengan tanggungjawab saya di umah n office, saya teramatlah penat sampai tak ada tenaga langsung. saya mencium n peluk anak saya ala kadar dan terus pergi tido tanpa makan malam. semasa saya nak baring, saya terdengar mangkuk porcelain pecah n cecair tumpah. bila saya buka blanket, saya nampak mangkuk berisi instant noodle pecah n messy dalam bedsheet n blanket.

saya teramatla marah lalu mengambil, baju hanger dan memukul anak saya. Anak saya tidak menangis tapi memberitahu: -

saya sangat lapar, tapi tak ada nasi. Jadi saya decide utk makan noodles. saya teringat ayah kata tak boleh guna dapur gas kalo tak ada org tua di umah. jadi saya pergi bilik air dan gunakan air panas shower utk membuat noodles utk saya dan ayah. ayah tidak balik umah lagi so saya menyimpan noodles tu dalam blanket kerana takut ia akan menjadi sejuk. saya terlupa nak memberitahu ayah kerana saya syok bermain dgn patung...maafkan saya ayah...

air mata berlinangan tetapi saya tak nak menangis depan anak saya. saya terus masuk bilik air n membuka shower dan terus menangis. selepas tu, saya memeluk anak saya dengan erat n menyapu ubat ke buttock anak saya sambil menidurkan anak saya. saya membersihkan bilik tido saya. selepas siap membersihkan bilik, saya menjenguk anak saya, dia sedang menangis melihat photo mak dia dan bukannya menangis kerana kesakitan.

anak saya sudah tujuh tahun. saya sedaya upaya memberi kasih sayang seperti ayah n ibu, n memenuhi segala kehendak anak saya.

tidak lama selepas tu, saya memukul anak saya kembali. kali ni saya teramatla kesal. cikgu menelefon saya memberitahu anak saya tidak hadir kelas. saya mengambil time off dan mencari anak saya di rumah for explaination. anak saya tidak ada di umah. saya memanggil anak saya n terjumpa di kedai computer games. saya membawa anak saya ke umah dan sebat anak saya. anak saya x cakap apa2. anak saya memberitahu hari ini ada 'takent show' dan pihak sekolah telah menjemput ibu utk hadir. olh kerana dia tak ada ibu, dia tidak mahu join show tersebut n decided utk tidak hadir ke sekolah.

after few days, anak saya memberitahu cikgu telah mengajar cara menulis n belajar. Anak saya terperap dalam bilik utk belajar n menulis bersungguh2. kalo isteri saya ada lagi, mesti dia berbangga dengan pencapaian anak dia begitu juga dengan saya. saya amat berbangga dengan anak saya.

setahun berlalu. kini musim christmas. kali ni anak saya membuat masalah lg. semasa saya balik penat dari kerja, saya mendpt call dari post ofis. postman tu memberitahu, anak saya mengantar beberapa pucuk surat tanpa alamat. saya berjanji tidak akan memukul anak saya, tapi saya merasa anak saya keterlaluan lalu memukul dia. anak saya hanya meminta maaf. saya menolak anak saya ke tepi lalu pergi ke pejabat pos utk mengambil surat tersebut.

saya menanya anak saya atas sikap keterlaluan dia. dia memberitahu, surat tersebut adalah utk ibu. saya menanya dia kenapa antar banyak dalam satu masa. dia kata dia selalu menulis surat utk mak dia tetapi setiap kali dia gi peti surat, dia tak dapat antar kerana dia pendek. tapi ari tu dia pergi, dia dapat mencapai peti surat tersebut, so dia mengantar kesemua surat tersebut.

selepas mendengar kata2 anak saya, saya tergamam dan tidak tahu apa nak cakap. saya memberitahu anak saya, ibu di syurga. kalo nak cakap apa2, just bakar surat n apa yg awak nak katakan akan sampai ke mak awak. lepas anak saya mendengar, dia calm dan terus tido dgn nyenyak. saya terus membakar surat tersebut, tidak berdaya utk membaca isi kandungan tersebut.

saya terbaca salah satu kandungan surat tersebut:

Dear mak,

Saya amat merindui awak. hari ni di sekolah ada 'talent show' n pihak sekolah telah menjemput ibu utk hadir utk pertunjukan tersebut. since awak tak ada, saya tek menyertai pertunjukan tersebut. saya tidak mahu memberitahu ayah kerana dia pasti akan menangis n merindui awak. ayah mencari saya. utk hide kesedihan saya, saya pergi ke salah satu kedai komputer dan bermain games kat sana. ayah rasa curiga, lalu marah dan memukul saya, tetapi saya tidak memberitahu reason sebenar. mak, ayah selalu merindui mak n setiap kali dia mengingati awak, dia akan masuk ke bilik menangis keseorangan. saya rasa kita berdua teramatlah merindui mak. tapi mak, saya start lupa macam mana rupa awak. boleh tak awak datang dlm mimpi saya. saya terdengar, kalo kita memeluk gambo org yang dirindui, mereka akan dtg dalam mimpi, tapi mak, kenapa awak tidak dtg dlm mimpi saya?

selepas membaca surat tersebut, saya start teresak2. saya tidak dapat menutup memenuhi tanggungjawab saya seperti isteri saya.

For the females with children:
jgn keja leih masa. kalo tidak dapat mengabiskan keja, mesti ada problem dalam company dan bukannya masalah awak. beritahu kepada bos awak. keja lebih masa bukanla solution utk problem awak. jaga kesihatan so tat awak boleh jaga n berada lebih masa dgn anak awak.

For the married men:
jgn merokok n minum arak dgn banyak. nothing can replace your good health, not even business nor clients. cuba berfikir begini, boleh tak awak bekerja sehingga awak boleh mencapai kehendak client dan bos awak / client or boss awak bergantung kepada awak sahaja? jaga kesihat supaya awak boleh menjaga anak n org kesayangan awak.

For those singles out there:
kecantikan dtg semasa awak mencintai diri awak sendiri dulu. With confidence and loving yourself, you will see the beauty in other things around you. awak boleh bekerja dengan bagus n ceria selalu. jgn mengabaikan kesihatan kerana kerja atau bos awak. tidak ada apa yg lebih peting melainkan kesihatan awak.

Subject: Good Article to share

A story worth sharing ... it will touch the heart of every man and woman with family ...

4 years ago, an accident took my beloved away and very often I wonder, how does my wife, who is now in the heavenly realm, feel right now? She must be feeling extremely sad for leaving a husband who is incapable to taking care of the house and the kid. 'cos that is the exact feeling that I have, as I feel that I have failed to provide for the physical and emotional needs of my child, and failed to be the dad and mum for my child.

There was one particular day, when I had an emergency at work. Hence, I had to leave home whilst my child was still sleeping. So thinking that there was still rice leftovers, I hastily cooked an egg and left after informing my sleepy child.

With the double roles, I am often exhausted at work as well as when I am home. So after a long day, I came home, totally drained of all energy. So with just a brief hug and kiss for my child, I went straight into the room, skipping dinner. However, when I jumped into my bed with intention of just having a well-deserved sleep, all i heard and felt was broken porcelain and warm liquid! I flipped open my blanket, and there lies the source of the 'problem'... a broken bowl with instant noodles and a mess on the bedsheet and blanket!

Boy, was I mad! I was so furious that I took a clothes hanger, charged straight at my child who was happily playing with his toy, and give him a good spanking! He merely cried but not asking for mercy, except a short explanation:

"Dad, I was hungry and there wasn't anymore leftover rice. But you were not back yet, hence I wanted to cook some instant noodles. But I remembered you reminding me not to touch or use the gas stove without any adults around, hence I turned on the shower and used the hot water from the bathroom to cook the noodles. One is for you and the other is for me. However, I was afraid that the noodles will turn cold, so I hid it under the blanket to keep it warm till you return. But I forgot to remind you 'cos I was playing with my toys...I am sorry Dad..."

At that moment, tears were starting to run down my cheeks...but I didn't want my son to see his dad crying so I dashed into the bathroom and cried with the shower head on to mask my cries. After that episode, I went towards my son to give him a tight hug and applied medication on him, while coaxing him to sleep. Then, it was time to clear up the mess on the bed. When everything was done and well past midnight, I passed my son's room, and saw that he was still crying, not from the pain on his little buttock, but from looking at the photograph of his beloved mummy.

A year has passed since the episode, I have tried, in this period, to focus on giving him both the love of his dad and mum, and to attend to most of his needs. And soon, he is turning seven, and will be graduating from kindergarten. Fortunately, the incident did not leave a lasting impression on his childhood memories and he is still happily growing up.

However, not so long ago, I hit my boy again, with much regret. This time, his kindergarten teacher called, informing me of my son's absence from school. I took off early from work and went home, expecting him to explain. But he wasn't to be found, so I went around our house, calling out his name and eventually found him outside a stationery shop, happily playing computer games. I was fuming, brought him home and whack the hell out of him. He did not retaliate, except to say, 'I am sorry, Dad'. But after much probing, I realized that it was a 'Talent Show' organized by his school and the invite is for every student's mummy. And that was the reason for his absence as he has no mummy.....

Few days after the caning, my son came home to tell me, the kindergarten has recently taught him how to read and write. Since then, he has kept to himself and stayed in his room to practise his writing, which I am sure, would make my wife proud, if she was still around. 'cos he makes me proud too!

Time passes by very quickly, and soon another year has passed. It's winter, and its Christmas time. Everywhere the christmas spirit is in every passer-by... Christmas carols and frantic shoppers.... but alas, my son got into another trouble. When I was about to knock off from the day's work, the post office called. Due to the peak season, the post master was also on an edgy mood. He called to tell me that my son has attempted to post several letters with no addressee. Although I did make a promise never to hit my son again, I couldn't help but to hit him as I feel that this child of mine is really beyond control. Once again, as before, he apologized, ' I'm sorry, Dad' and no additional reason to explain. I pushed him towards a corner, went to the post office to collect the letters with no addressee and came home, and angrily questioned my son on his prank, during this time of the year.

His answer, amidst his sobbing, was : The letters were for Mummy. My eyes grew teary, but I tried to control my emotions and continued to ask him: " But why did u post so many letters, at one time?" My son's reply was: " I have been writing to mummy for a long time, but each time I reach out for the post box, it was too high for me, hence I was not able to post the letters. But recently, when I went back to the postbox, I could reach it and I sent it all at once..."

After hearing this, I was lost. Lost at not knowing what to do, what to say... I told my son, " Son, mummy is in the heavenly kingdom, so in future, if you have anything to tell her, just burn the letter and it will reach mummy. My son, on hearing this, was much pacified and calm, and soon after, he was sleeping soundly. On promising that I will burn the letters on his behalf, I brought the letters outside, but couldnt help opening the letter before they turn to ash.

And one of the letters broke my heart....

Dear Mummy,

I miss you so much! Today, there was a 'Talent Show' in school, and the school invited all mothers for the show. But you are not around, so I did not want to participate as well. I did not tell Dad about it as I was afraid that Dad would start to cry and miss you all over again. Dad
went around looking for me, but in order to hide my sadness, I sat in front of the computer and started playing games at one of the shops. Dad was furious, and he couldn't help it but scolded and hit me, but I did not tell him the real reason. Mummy, everyday I see Dad missing you and whenever he think of you, he is so sad and often hide and cry in his room. I think we both miss you very very much. Too much for our own good I think. But Mummy, I am starting to forget your face. Can you please appear in my dreams so that I can see your face and remember you? I heard that if you fall asleep with the photograph of the person whom you miss, you will see the person in your dreams. But mummy, why haven't you appeared?

After reading the letter, I cant stop sobbing. 'cos I can never replace the irreplaceable gap left behind by my wife....

For the females with children:
Don't do so much overtime. If you cannot finish the work, it must be some kind of problems within the company, and it is not your sole problem. Feedback to your boss. Endless overtime may not necessary be the answer to the problem. Take care of your health so that you can treasure and take care of your little precious.

For the married men:
Drink less, smoke less, cos nothing can replace your good health, not even business nor clients. Try thinking this way, are you able to work till your clients are totally dependent on you? or your boss is totally dependent on you? In this society, no one is indispensable. Take care of your health, so that you can take care of your little precious and your loved ones.

For those singles out there:
Beauty lies in loving yourself first. With confidence and loving yourself, you will see the beauty in other things around you. You will be able to work better and happier. Don't let your health be affected by your work or your boss, so nothing matters more than your well being.


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